“Can I get a Venti Peach Green Tea Lemonade with sweetener?’ Starbucks is the happiest place on earth, well besides Disney World. There’s a variety of options which is the hardest choice if you’re an indecisive, emotional person. The key to selection is finding you in the drink. Ask yourself questions like “Would I taste like this if I was a Starbucks drink?” or “Would I look like this?” Hello, being the psychopath that I am, sometimes I even choose drinks that’ll match my outfit. No shame in my game, people. Being the frequent Starbucks visitor that I am, I have shapeshifted into a Venti Iced Coffee. The real question is which one are you?
- Strawberry Acai aka “Pink Drink”
You’re totally a showoff and full of character with your strawberries and sweet coconut milk. When you’re all mixed together, you morph into a pink cup of sass and glitter. You’re a mixture of Elle Woods, from Legally Blonde and Cher, from Clueless. You hate Iced Coffee because they’re introverts who think the world is out to get them, but sadly, that’s not the case. You love posting on social media as if Instagram has sponsored you. Your favorite saying is “Pink is the new orange” and whoever doesn’t agree, you dispute until the death.
- Caramel Apple Spice
You’re mixed with sugar and spices and topped with whipped cream. Your favorite holiday is fall, and any other season feels like watching Ole Miss football team lose consecutively. You taste like John Appleseed had a baby with Rachel Ray during autumn. You and Strawberry Acai are best friends because together you both are a mixture of Kim Kardashian and Oprah Winfrey. See you next Fall!
- Peach Green Tea Lemonade
You’re a summer lover and a sunbather. You’re a refreshing, relaxing person but once someone puts some sweetener inside of you, you become Zac Efron on steroids but in an “I love but hate it” kind of way. You can hang out with almost anyone unless they’re Black Tea who happens to be your arch nemesis. You’re the perfect tanning partner on a hot summer day, and many pale sorority girls love you. You’re doing amazing, sweetie!
- Iced Coffee
You’re an introvert but also a social butterfly at times. Once you open up, you’re unstoppable and extremely appealing. Some will say you’re a tad bit uptight but once they add some double shots in your cup, you light up like the Fourth of July. You’re the perfect study partner when you’re cramming for exams during finals. The things that others don’t like about you, you seem to love. You’re always there when people need you and that’s what makes you, YOU!
- Vanilla Bean Crème Frappuccino
Vanilla Ice meets Starbucks. You’re the perfect mixture of vanilla and milk, and you’re kind of a campus favorite. You’re not too overwhelming like Strawberry Acai, so that’s why everyone gravitates towards you. You hate going into extremely hot places because within five minutes you’ll melt like the witch on The Wizard of Oz. You’re a social butterfly until it’s time for winter which makes you turn to Harambe on a regular basis. No worries, you’re still loved, and you’ll always be in our hearts.
See you soon my little drinkies!